Discontent

“There are, indeed, two forms of discontent: one laborious, the other indolent and complaining. We respect the man of laborious desire, but let us not suppose that his restlessness is peace, or his ambition meekness. It is because of the special connection of meekness with contentment that it is promised that the meek shall 'inherit the earth.' Neither covetous men, nor the Grave, can inherit anything; they can but consume. Only contentment can possess.”—John Ruskin, Modern Painters, Volume V, part IX, Chapter XI (1860).

Discontent. As an adjective, Dictionary.com provides this definition: ”not content; dissatisfied; discontented.” This fairly describes how I have been feeling lately; mostly with myself, but I have also noticed a tendency to quickly lose patience and become discontent with the actions of other people in many situations. The worst part is, in my opinion, that I have too openly voiced this discontentment with others.

I am, however, not content feeling—or being—this way.

It was last night, while I was unable to sleep, that I came across the above quote from Ruskin. I also found this wise counsel in the Bible at 2 Timothy 2:22: “Pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace.” Ruskin also references the infamous Bible passage found at Psalm 37:11, which promises that “the meek ones themselves will posses the earth, and they will indeed find their exquisite delight in the abundance of peace.”

Certainly Ruskin's use of the words “meekness” and “meek” are similar to the Biblical use, meaning “showing patience and humility” (see the definition at Dictionary.com from The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition).

Interestingly, Ruskin suggests a “special connection of meekness and contentment.” And both Ruskin and the Bible suggest a link between meekness and peace.

This has helped me to discern the vicious cycle of discontentment and impatience leading to an absence of inner peace leading to further discontentment and impatience.

While I sort out my discontent, impatience and inner peace, I will try to apply the advice of James, a half brother of Jesus Christ. He wrote under inspiration that a person who “does not bridle his tongue ... goes on deceiving his own heart.” (James 1:26) Or, as Mark Twain more humorously said, “It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.”

Next, I will explore the feelings I've been pondering for some time that I am someone who “can but consume.”

It snowed 16 inches, what do you get?

That's right. Nearly 16 inches of snow yesterday, according to my unofficial measurement. In a tribute to our most recent nor'easter, here is my rendition of the chorus from the old coal miner song with a wintry spin:

It snowed sixteen inches, what do you get?
Another day shov'lin I won't forget.
Saint Peter, don't you call me, 'cause I can't go;
I lost my soul in a pile of snow.

I have to say, though, it sure felt like what I cleared from my driveway weighed 16 tons!

It's been a while since we've had a snow like this. I remember a couple of big snows the winter of 1995-1996, even one with more than twice as much as what we just got. The last few years, though, it's been more icy mixes that have not produced this kind of accumulation. This is more reminiscent of the snows I remember from childhood growing up in Colorado and Nebraska.

Take a look at more pictures from this snow storm on Flickr.

Believe

I hope today is an indication that things are starting to really look up. The last year has been really tough, primarily due to some health problems that have proven to be quite difficult to diagnose and treat effectively. My blogging scarcity has been a side effect.

Over the past couple of months, I have seen glimpses that real improvement was possible, if not probable. I have been struggling with feeling that there was little or no hope.

Today at work was one of the best days I've had in quite a while. I proved to myself—my worst critic, although it seems there have been many others vying for that title lately—that I still "got" it. I am still capable of performing to a level approaching my expectations (at least within sight of that).

To celebrate, I am watching the 2009 US Open on ESPN2. I was inspired the other day when I saw a bit of the match where Melanie Oudin played beyond her years against the highly favored Nadia Petrova. Enscribed on her shoes is "Believe." Tonight her coach and others in her entourage are wearing black shirts with "Believe" written across the front in bold yellow. Although she has just lost the first set, that has not proven to be too much of an obstacle for her thus far.

Even if she does not win tonight's match, she has every reason to "believe" she is well on her way to a successful tennis career. She's only 17, and as she gets stronger (and improves her serve), she will also gain valuable experience that will give her even more confidence.

I hope Ms. Oudin will allow me to also adopt that simple mantra: Believe.

Hong Kong from Victoria Peak

On tour of Hong Kong Island, October 4, 2008. This was the one day for sight seeing during my 2-week business trip (September 29 - October 11, 2008).

Two and half down, one to go!

Saturday didn't start out as a great day. A storm moved through on Friday, which may have contributed to the way I was feeling. I really needed to spend some time on the floor, though, as September is fast slipping away, and it looks like I'll be traveling for a week or so this month, further limiting my time.

Finally by about 11 a.m. on Saturday, I was able to get started on the floor in Lourdes' office. She's been patiently waiting but dropping many hints. I have really been wanting to get this done, but the hallway took longer than anticipated. Actually, I still have 2 pieces of trim to do at the top of the stairs, but I'm not sure I'm going to use the FasTrim pieces I bought. I want to think about this a little more.

I had watched a few laminate flooring installation videos on YouTube the week before, and realized that using a "pull bar" in certain places might be helpful. I had been using a crow bar and some scrap pieces, but the videos made it look so easy with the pull bar. A friend had offered to lend me his, so I took him up on the offer. I chipped the first piece I went to install around the doorway with the pull bar, though. Ah, lesson learned: Use scrap pieces on the edge (if the scrap chips, it doesn't matter).

Once I got through the doorway and into the main part of the room, it was smooth sailing. In a matter of a few hours, I was over half-way done. It was decision time. Do I forge ahead into the evening and try to finish tonight? Or, do I call it good here and finish tomorrow? I was feeling pretty good, and it was going very well, so I decided to press on!

It took just a couple of more hours to complete the room, including a brief break for some Canadian bacon, scrambled eggs and toast for dinner. I was amazed, and quite pleased actually, at how square it turned out. I try to measure and cut carefully, but it seems impossible to end a job perfectly square. Well, this one turned out as close to perfect as any for me. It's even all along the walls. I won't even have to put quarter round along the baseboard, although I probably will just to add a traditional finish.

With the master bedroom, Loudres' office and the hallway (almost) complete, that just leaves my office yet to be done. I may not get to it for a couple of weeks, but I don't want to lose all my momentum. If I don't have to travel to Asia on business next week, I may get it done this coming weekend. If not, it will have to wait until early October. I'm getting close, I can feel it!

(Check out more pictures of the progress on Flickr.)

A real Labor Day

The plan was to get the floor done in the hallway this morning, then get started on my wife's office. So go the plans of mice and men. Mice would probably get this done quicker. Admittedly, I'm not rushing because I want it done right; I don't want to stare at mistakes or be tormented that I could have done a better job had I been more careful or taken a little more time.

Today, though, seemed to go a little extra slowly. The pieces didn't want to lock tightly without some strong "encouragement"--several whacks, firm but not too hard, with a mallet. As I would get one piece tight, a little gap would appear somewhere up the line. Back and forth, until the gentle beatings finally won over. I'm blaming that on the humidity.

At 6PM tonight, I finally had to give up as I tried to get the second piece in the last row to fit snugly. I'm afraid any more encouragement could break it. It has a notch cut out to go around the right side of one door jam and the left side of another with a short wall in between. My cut is pretty good, and I don't want to have to redo that, so I'm going to let it rest. I'll give it a go later this evening or early in the morning, hoping the humidity will be down.

My wife's office will have to wait, unfortunately. This week, I have already set aside Wednesday and Thursday evenings to work on the floor, so I should finish up the hallway and get a good jump on her office before the weekend. I have no other plans this weekend but working on the floor, which should allow me time to finish her office.

I can feel the muscles beginning to ache a little already from today's labor. Maybe an Epson Salt bath would be a good way to unwind for the day and possibly head off more aches and pains tomorrow. And a good night of sleep.

Slow and steady... well, at least slow...

Most of July was lost on the big flooring project. I started to have abdominal pains, many days quite severe, that I just couldn't shake. My wife believes it was just my "nervous stomach" acting up over the anxiety of doing the floor. OK, that probably didn't help, but it certainly was not the only--and probably not the biggest--factor.

A couple of weeks ago, though, I finally started to make headway on the floor. I started in our master bedroom, as planned, finishing about 75% of the nearly 200 sq. ft. on a Saturday afternoon. Taking a couple of hours here and there, I installed the final piece in the MBR this past Sunday. As is typical for most projects, the final 4 pieces took about as long as the rest of the floor! Each one required tedious cuts along the wall and around door jams. I took my time trying to get it right, and I am very pleased with the results. (If you've ever installed flooring, especially interlocking laminate wood, you'll know why this wasn't so easy!)

Next is the hallway as I cross over to the smaller bedrooms. I want to install it without thresholds at the doorway, to give it a nice flow throughout all the rooms. This makes it a little trickier, but I think it will look very nice and be worth the effort.

Now that I'm back to taking Nexium to help with the abdominal pain, I should make steadier progress on the floor. My wife is so anxious that yesterday she started moving furniture out of her office and into mine (the temporary storage room for this project)! I'll get in there as soon as the hallway is done. She endured sleeping on the mattress on the floor in the MBR for a few weeks, so I don't want to test her patience too much on finishing her office. If I do, she's likely to pack her bags...